I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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