Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize