I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
