Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
