hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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