Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
