so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
