I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
