im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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