I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
