I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
