You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
