Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize