ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You smell like stripper and shame
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
