DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
