I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize