So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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