Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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