Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
