a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize