Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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