Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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