I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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