We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
