I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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