Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
