I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
