you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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