Only a mothe r could love this liver
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
