My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
