drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
