dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
