I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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