he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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