It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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