Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
