Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I wear drunk well.
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