Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
