Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
