Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
