I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
