i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
