1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
