His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
