i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
