I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize