I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
