She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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