I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
