If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
