My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
