he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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