I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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