please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize