Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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