if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
