Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hippo gnu deer
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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