i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
