ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
