What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
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