What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
