i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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