I wanna bring you to show and tell
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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