I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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