Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
nutella sex= disaster
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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