Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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