Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
