Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
