forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
