that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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