So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
