yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
