Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
