Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
