In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
