tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
