dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
