Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
