Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
