I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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