when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
