So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it's great music for shaving your balls
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
