Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
