I want to stick my p in your. b.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
