My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
it's like heaven, but drunker
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
