u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
