So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
