I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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