I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
