you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
