just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she told me i tasted like america
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
