I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
