I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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